米國無文化

時間  Fri Apr 11 03:17:46 2008

「嘿、現在！抬頭抬頭！」
                                                                               
他猛拍著我的頭，好像不知道那會痛似的。
我用手阻擋了一下，原本沾著泥巴的部分被他的動作拍落，
飛進眼睛和嘴巴裡。
                                                                               
『咳咳、呸呸呸！
  你做什麼啦！』
                                                                               
「啊哈哈抱歉抱歉」

總是一臉沒有歉意地說著，趁我不注意的時候把還蹲在地上的我整個撈起，
如果我還沒站好就讓我靠在他身上，聞著那種衣服洗好曬飽太陽的味道。
                                                                               
我用手背揉著眼睛，同時很不服氣地把剩餘的泥巴和沙土擦在他潔白的衣服上，
有時他會笑笑，掏出同齡男生不應該會帶著的手帕幫我把手指一根一根地擦乾淨。
                                                                               
                                                                               
然後，
「看上面，正上。」
                                                                               
儘管上一回都會賭氣說絕對不要照他的話去做的我，
卻幾乎每一次都著了他的道了。
                                                                               
「你看、那是什麼？」
                                                                               
                                                                               
是雲，他很喜歡看著天空的雲朵，然後編織無意義的故事給我聽。
有時是帶著斧頭的巫婆走過平原，碰到一隻兔子的故事；
或是在森林裡有著兩層窗戶的小木屋被各種動物佔領的故事。
                                                                               
他總是有故事。

『三隻大鵝跟一隻蜥蜴在賽跑。』
                                                                               
                                                                               
以我的想像力的極限就是如此了。
至少我沒有說那看起來像是村裡雜貨店老闆塞在角落、變形的過期糖果。
                                                                               
                                                                               
「喔喔不錯不錯～
  再努力一下嘛！哪？」
                                                                               
眨著大眼看著我，彷彿期待我能再進一步替他解讀訊息。
                                                                               
                                                                               
「如果正上的雲不夠的話，那邊還有喔～～」
                                                                               
                                                                               
擅自把我的身體轉向另一邊，
迎著風，地平線的那一端有著頗為壯觀的雲層堆疊。

天空是他的遊樂園。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
他會躺在草地上曬太陽，卻怎樣也曬不黑。
                                                                               
他會看著雲朵編織出各種不可思議的故事，卻從來不寫下來投稿。
                                                                               
他會在夜晚偷偷跑來敲我房間的窗戶，為的就是把我從房間拉出來，陪他看雲。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
雲無所不在，他說。
                                                                               
                                                                               
就連我指著晴空萬里的藍天反駁時，
他也會說「看不見只是你沒有用心而已」。

『雲就只是雲而已。』
某次，我說了。
                                                                               
                                                                               
那時我已經脫離了玩泥巴的階段，我覺得他也該脫離看天空的階段。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
「故事，永遠不只是故事而已。」
目光不離那片湛藍，這是他少數幾次沒看著我說話。
                                                                               
                                                                               
「雲朵會改變，故事會延續，
  我拋下了字句，等待你拾取。」
                                                                               
                                                                               
語末竟然像是哼起了歌，像是大家小時候會做的，不成調的曲子。

不久的後來，他終於改掉了看天空的習慣，
也改掉了對我說故事的習慣。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
一開始大人說他去了很遠的地方，遠到了故事不會持續的地方。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
後來他們又改變說法，說他去了地底王國逛逛，應該很快會上來。
                                                                               
                                                                               
最後他們告訴我，他變成星星了，是天空的一部份。

『他才沒有變成星星！』
                                                                               
                                                                               
我記得我當時的執著。
執著到去跟自然科老師借用望遠鏡看遍夏夜的星空。
                                                                               
                                                                               
『星星沒有故事！
  他不會變成星星！！』
                                                                               
                                                                               
大人沒有理會我的抗議，他們覺得等我長大了就會明瞭。
                                                                               
                                                                               
明瞭人變成星星是怎麼一回事。

                         「嘿、現在！抬頭抬頭！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                            你看、那是什麼？」

從那年的夏夜之後，我養成了新的習慣。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
在看得到天空的地方，用他愛的雲朵編織著故事。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
那故事裡的我們，沒有距離。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                - 完