米國無文化

我很明確地知道自己現在缺乏這個。
生活上的，同人上的。
                                                     
                          
我一直在消耗過去的成就感所累積的喜悅。
這點，在現在我聽著Wouldn't it be good時，特別有感受。
說起來很奇妙，歌詞中所描述的是我過去很久以來的人生觀，那種「生不逢時」的遺憾、「己不如人」的感慨。
這是一首不該被推廣的消沈歌，但是多年來他的旋律盤旋在我腦海中。
我在不自覺中一直受到影響。
                                                                               
今天看到MV的時候，如果畫質再好一些、如果我再有耐性一點，我會更有感受，因為他描繪出這陣子我心中的恐懼。
                                                                               
我已經拖太久了，正事。
我知道，所以起步，至少、不要太晚了。

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同人上的，的確。
成就感無從生起。
                                                                               
我的確有點不敢相信，但是統計起來的數字騙不了人。
那篇前天才寫完的銀土文，竟然磨了五個月。
幾乎同時期寫的真世文因為跟人討論中起了嚴重的設定問題所以放置。
之前娛樂用的H文雖然在腦中RUN了多遍也一直沒有動筆。
列定的大坑、舊坑都還是原處。
                                                                               
這幾個月彷如一無是處地過了。
也難怪我每日覺得空虛，連HOUSE都只看了第一季第一張碟子就沒敢再動。
                                                                               
我知道我該把一些我快要放到「趕不上那個變化時刻」的坑結束掉，我也知道我想要從一些主題畢業、我想要結束一些牽掛。
                                                                               
但是我也知道，我要準備找工作找房子學開車考駕照然後搬家。

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於是我開始檢討，到底是什麼構成了我的成就感？
                                                                               
我知道沒有它我行動上會更緩慢，所以我努力去尋找。
簡單來說我這個被動的個性就是只能靠這種看不到要來的也不好吃的東西驅動。
                                                                               
當然，不是我做的每一件事都會衍生出成就感的。
也因此，一些看著五點天亮的凌晨，我會產生討厭日光的感覺。
                                                                               
天可不可以不要亮？
我又什麼都沒有完成地過一天了。

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Wouldn't it be good by Nik Kershaw
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
I got it bad
You dont know how bad I got it
You got it easy
You dont know when you got it good
Its getting harder
Just keeping life and soul together
Im sick of fighting
Even though I know I should
The cold is biting
Through each and every nerve and fibre
My broken spirit is frozen to the core
Dont wanna be here no more
                                                                               
Wouldnt it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was for just one day
And wouldnt it be good if we could wish ourselves away
Wouldnt it be good to be on your side
The grass is always greener over there
Wouldnt it be good if we cold live without a care
                                                                               
You must be joking
You dont know a thing about it
Youve got no problem
Id stay right there if it were you
I got it harder
You couldnt dream how hard it got it
Stay out of my shoes
If you know whats good for you
The heat is stifling
Burning me up from the inside
The sweat is coming through each and every pore
Dont wanna be here no more
                                                                               
Wouldnt it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was just for one day
And wouldnt it be good if we could wish ourselves away
Wouldnt it be good to be on your side
The grass is always greener over there
And wouldnt it be good if we could live without a care

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MV還蠻消沈的@v@
是因為太消沈所以我才開始看歌詞
很意外的不是愛情相關耶@_@a
有種跟Love complex 類似的電波，難怪這麼多年我一直沒辦法忘記這首